Tales of Tadeusz

Friday, August 05, 2005

Hohenwald News: How to Tell if You're a Poseur
--Humor

To be a poseur, as I understand it, is to be a fake. Especially to be one that goes on about how great they are, with little or no skill to back up the song. I like to think that with my natural inclination to honesty (naive beliefs in sweet reason, and that I am in possession of correctitude), plus parents who tended toward the theory of "I'll spank you twice as hard for lying." or some such thing, and despite my self-delusions, I think I'm less of a poseur than most.

Does that make me a certified poseur checker, and a good person to do this list? No. Such an attitude would be a sign of a poseur. I'm just going to do the list anyways.

  1. You tell your boyfriend, later husband, how much you love football, but you always end up cleaning the rugs in the other room when IT is on. This is a poseur, but they are cute so we forgive them.
  2. You interview some poor author on the radio, not telling everyone that you never even opened the book. This is a poseur. Look folks, if you're going to provide an Air Sandwhich with a side helping of Vacuum Salad, you might want to tell people. Otherwise, bzzz. Its just dead air.
  3. You tell your friends how ultra-hot you are at the latest game, and that you've beat it at Killer Level when you really only trounced it with cheats on Newbie Level. This is poseur-hood. Look simple honesty creates more dignity than wildly inflated claims.
  4. You tell your friends how you got to third base with the girl you got a crush on. Who doesn't even remember your name half the time. Dude this is stupid too. You think she's not going to hear the rumors, and hate your guts? At least she'll remember your name, right?
  5. You tell your customer that you will surely be done by Tuesday fixing his car. Its Friday, and he's waiting in the car lot to make sure you actually do the job, and then later he finds you messed it up. Poseurhood. Plus a customer that will never go back to you again. Properly managing expectations is key, and if you totally lack the time, or the skill then say so!
  6. You yell at your kids in the store "If you don't come right now! I'm going to ..." This is the fifth time you've said this. Very loudly. Consider A)Actually spanking the insubordinate rascal in a calm and consistent manner B)Giving up, since you're doing no good anyways. Might as well let him burn the store down quietly. This is a poseur. Or a really tired parent. If consistent behavior then a poseur, or someone who has no clue.
  7. You care about animals so much, you send them to the pound where they are A)Released after someone pays a large fee--Not happening folks. B)Executed. But we are so much more merciful than the farmer who drowned kittens in a sack. Or perhaps, we're just poseurs.
  8. You claim to care about homosexual rights, so you ignore the way Islamofascists tip walls over on them. Me, I don't care about homosexual rights. I care about human rights. Yes, you're a poseur.
  9. You're an Islamofascist who screams out death threats and raves of jihad, but when greater security threatens your hobby, you blame it for your actions. Oops, thats not a poseur, that's a self-serving idiot. Lets' see, you, Islamofascist, shopper at Tyrants-r-us, scream hate and blood, but then shut up and act real peacable when the wrath of the Americans makes itself known. Yes, you're a poseur. A bully too. Like a tenth grader beating up a third grader, and then whimpering when the principal shows up. Poseur.
  10. You're GWB who is standing for a war on terror, and has democratized against great strain twenty-five million people. So far, so good. You're messing with Dr. Mad Kimchee's head. Also good. You're letting Iranians get nuclear weapons. You're not dropping bombs on the nuke sites. You're not invading Iran. I'm starting to wonder if the omnipresent strain (which would break most men like a twig) is getting to you, and you're slipping into poseurhood. Remember the Texan saying, All hat, and no cattle. You don't want that. Remember another saying or two...Do you want to live forever? Lets string them buzzards up. (After a proper war crimes tribunal, of course.)

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